The End!

That's it, folks - the two-year process that began when Bob stumbled upon this bizarre-looking German book is over. I hope a few people were taking a look at this page. If so, thanks for sticking with me - my output was inconsistent at best. For me, the journey began after my first semester of German and ended after I'd lived in Germany for six months. You'll notice the output picked up a lot this year: turns out, it's easier to translate when you have a decent grasp on the language.

With that in mind, the journey's not over yet. The first year or so's worth of pages need a retranslation, and the whole thing probably needs to be rewritten for smoothness. But I'm proud to have at least gotten through the darn thing.

Finally, a big thanks to everyone who helped me out with words or phrases I couldn't crack. And, silly as it sounds, thanks to Fritz Oliven and the illustrator, Paul Telemann, for making a book well worth translating until the end.

Page 112

We, you see, haven't yet come quite so far.

[The end.]

Page 111

You should see me from the back!" -

And he ripped himself violently from the nail
And struck the suitor right in the chest!

And, out of spite, he hit him again in the gut,
And then left the suitor with a dedication:
"In remembrance of your blessed-spent hours!"

And mere moments after he'd injured the terrified suitor
The lieutenant too jumped down in a flash
And, likewise, turned himself around.

And there stood in clear writing: "Dear schnookums,
I kiss you on the ear! - Your True Mitz! - "

With that, Miss Mitzi screamed "The horror!"
And ran out of the room, ashamed.

So too had the suitor dissapeared -
On account of the "blessed-spent hours."

The lieutenant and the banker, however,
laid satisfied on the settee.
And they cried: "We should be friends,
Because, so long as we like,
Both the 2 and 3 dimensional worlds belong to us two,
and we won't let any third in -
Yes!" they both yelled, "so it should be!" -

And the lieutenant threw his arms around the banker's neck,
And the banker the same to the lieutenant.

That is - only the pictures.

In reality -

Page 110

He was a young editor,
He said: "My angel, I love you so much,
And were you my woman, I would be so happy.
But say, who are those two men?"

"Oh, that," said the girl, "they're just relatives,
The lieutenant above there, that's my cousin,
A good man, but a cretin,
And the fat one, he's my aunt's husband,
A sugar daddy, rich and really quite old
And shaky. - Hopefully he dies soon!" -

Then the suitor clapped his hands together:
"You seem to come out of a good family,
A banker and a lieutenant - how sad! I hate
the members of this favored class!
I, however, will love you just out of pure love,
And if you're a good girl,
You'll be mine today!"

With that, the pictures cried: "That bastard!"

And the lieutenant yelled: "Sir Banker,
I think he's a social democrat!" -

And the fat banker spoke:
"Sir Lieutenant, it seems to me
That this devil is a dirty fiend!"

"Yeah," said the lieutenant, "it's him we should be fighting!"

"Indeed," said the fat banker, "with pleasure!
And if I appear shaky to you from the back, well then, -

Pages 108 and 109

"Oh," said the banker, "don't be so dumb,
The young miss knows exactly why.
We pay for her rent, shoemaker, and tailor,
It's from us that she has stockings, petticoats, and clothes
And an automobile for ten thousand gulden -
But from you - and I quote - she has 'nothing but debt!'"

"My God!" bellowed the lieutenant, "scandal!
I'll let my original know!
And when he hears that - upon my soul -
He'll confront her and shoot her dead!"

"What?" cried the banker with a livid look,
"What are you going to do, send us an invoice?!
Just be amicable and quiet down,
Or we'll send you a bill,
And it'll amount to twenty million!"

With that, the lieutenant was silent.

And suddenly the banker hushed too.

Then under, on the settee
Sat the sweet Miss Mitzi
with a brand new lover.

Page 107

In what company I find myself here!
A fat banker with no hair and a paunch!
And she betrays us with you, too.
Just what does she see in a commerce minister?!
My master is a squire and a soldier!
Yes, I'm sadly just his copy -
But -- I disdain you!

Page 106

And the fat banker spoke: "Oh, misery and horror,
I can't endure this view much longer,
When I see how my master's wife, that shrew, lies
and cheats with your master daily!
And I hang idly by and burst with pain -
And right over the settee!"

And the lieutenant spoke: "Oh, scandal and sin,